So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like abortions should bother me more
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
