had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
