hell yes lets make some ravioli
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
