Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
