well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
