So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
