i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
