yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
