Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
