one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
