So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
