Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
