Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
