i will never coherently bang her
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
