k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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