Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
