guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
