you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
