I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
