My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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