I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
