my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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