I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
