The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
