i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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