If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
