also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
