I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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