if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
