Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
