grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
