I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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