I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
