if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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