marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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