i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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