And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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