Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
