We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
