oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
