I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
