Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
