Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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