dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
