Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
