he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
