That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
