Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
