nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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