So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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