i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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