Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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