The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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