Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My vagina just clenched in fear
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
